When I met my husband, N was only 4. I was only 23. To be truthful, I hadn’t had a lot of experience with kids. I have a younger sister, but she was much younger than I was so my parents handled much of that care.
So, needless to say that when my husband and I first got together, I was a little overwhelmed. All of a sudden, there was this child in my life. Most people have 9 months to mentally prepare for a baby, and then learn child rearing as they go. At this point, I was still young and in graduate school. I didn’t have any responsibilities other than myself. I live by myself with just my cats.
Having a child in my life was an adjustment. I would get frustrated with the amount of toys N had and got annoyed with toys that made a lot of noise. I was used to a house that I could walk across the living room in the dark and not be impaled by Legos or Matchbox cars. I was used to a house where I could watch whatever I wanted on TV and I could come and go as I please.
Even after my husband and I got married and I moved in, I still had unrealistic expectations of how kids should behave. I didn’t have patience for messes, rambunctious behavior, or just behavior issues in general.
Then I had a baby of my own.
Now, suddenly there are toys all over my family room, and most of them make noise. Sometimes, I feel like my life is in a state of constant chaos. It is now, once I have become a parent, that I can appreciate the patience that parents have. All of a sudden the noise and the messes that E and N make don’t really bother me.
I realize now that when my husband and I met, I was applying adult expectations to a child that could never meet them.
So, here is my advice to any of you who are either dating someone who has children, or may be engaged to someone who has children: Set realistic expectations. You may get frustrated with the adjustment and you may have trouble relating to the kids, but know that they may be having just as much trouble adjusting to YOU.
Do you have step kids? If so, how did you help ease the adjustment?
